Saturday, February 28, 2009

Here's to Fucked Up Youth

This is the 100th post on Fageater and I am going to use it for a shameless plug. I put together a portfolio book of a somewhat recent series of images titled, "Here's to Fucked Up Youth" (Yes, that is a reference to Ceremony.) It's filled with images of naked young girls, boys, and dirty needles. If you like what I do with photography then please feel free to pick up a copy. I'm not making any money off this, fyi.



HERE'S TO FUCKED U...
By KEVIN CONVERY

This is War

Hey, guess what? I'm here to bum people the fuck out.

I've had enough of this Walk Texas Ranger shit. Let's talk about images of war and human suffering. James Nachtwey is hands down the best "war photographer" since Robert Capa. The guy just has a really good knack for getting shot at. He means well and is worth every second of your time. Recommended watching: War Photographer (2001). 2001 documentary on Nachtwey. Its fairly intense. They mounted a little camera on top of his Canon EOS system as he is out in the field capturing these horrible images. Trailer:



Also:






So, who wants to be a complete dick and start a black metal band and use some of his images as album covers?

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Don't Fall Asleep...Why Not?...Because I'll Probably Jack Off In Your Face.


Here is also a picture of Kristen Stewart, the costar in this film. I don't know why but it really turns me on....because I love pot and skinny, pale, anorexic girls.

The 80s were way better than I can fathom

Diamond David Lee Roth is one of those performers that only comes along once in a generation. With VanHalen, DLR was a consumate performer, fantastically ranged vocalist, and had a rock and roll resume that would make Tommy Lee blush. When Dave and VanHalen split, he was free to finally persue the wackiest, goofiest most childish music videos that anyone has ever seen.


Which brings me to my real point; the birth of the music video, as we know it. Every one points to old videos made by the Beatles and other rock stars under the influence of phycadellic substances, but the true innovator of music videos was a man named Mike Nesmith.

Yes, Michael Nesmith of The Monkees.

He produced a show called Television Parts back in the 80s. Back when I lived in the culturally devoid midwest, my father located a VHS of this show at the local movie store, and we watched it. Over and over again.



If you should know where I can get it on DVD, please, pleasepleaseplease, tell me.

Walker Texas Ranger:Haley Joel Osment

So today's clip includes a very young Haley Joel Osment...declaring that he has AIDs. Enjoi.

That's Right...I Watch American Idol And I'm Proud Of It

Truth's out. But basically there is this one contestant who dresses up into a comedic character and just acts like a complete cocksucker. I almost hate him so much that i wished he would pass on to another life but while he looks like a fool he has a fantastic voice which makes him fucking hilarious. But my hope is this. There is a Blind Guy on the show and i'm hoping that it's down to them and this douche bag takes the blind guy's dreams right from under him and making this competition look like a joke. That's all i have to say about this. I'm already embarassed enough....Go Megan Corkery....

Blind guy getting a high five from Seacrest except he can't see the high five.

This is Megan.She looks like Reese Witherspoon but not ugly. Megan gave birth to child at a very young age. I'm going to marry her so i can fuck her mouth and when she wins, i'll stay at home with the kid and she'll support the two of us. Because she loves me.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Bashed In Nazi Skulls

Mel Gibson...As The Colonel...Holy...Shit

Walker Texas Ranger

Since I'm on the subject of Conan we should talk Walker Texas Ranger. For a while on conan they had a thing called the Walker Texas Ranger Lever and every time conan pulled it, they would show ridiculous clips of the show. It is possibly one of my favorite tv shows because it is so fucking bad its funny. I will elaborate no further. I will just show you. And in spirit of Conan and me loving Chuck Norris to death, I think I should only post clips of Walker Texas Ranger on this blog. Nothing else. Now watch Chuck kill a fucking bear.

Expect more. And this will not turn into the Nic Cage clip of the week. I will keep on this. You hear me Alex. I love Chuck!

Andy Richter To Return To Conan

Conan has been a part of my life since late middle school, early high school. I went to NYC to go see him, the whole kabang. It's very upsetting to me that he will no longer be in New York and is transferring over to LA. But there is one huge, huge, huge plus. Andy Richter is back as the announcer. I have no idea what happened to the old creepy guy that used to announce but I can only assume he is dead. Andy Richter was what really made Conan for me though and then the dumb ass went and tried a television and movie career which didn't pan out for the best. So i am thankful he is returning. And here is why.

Oh and while searching for clips i came across this little gem from when i was in tenth grade. It's Conan shopping around for apartments for one of the writers with a realtor. the key quote is
Writer-"I think I could live a very happy life here."
Realtor-"Let's go inside and have a look first..."

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Chuck Close / Kate Moss



I woke up late for work. I have a hang over. My car was missing. I saw this picture and decided that two things I really want in life are unlimited access to a 20x24 polaroid camera and Kate Moss' cunt.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Blackout at Sunrise



Cursed - Blackout at Sunrise EP

This morning I decided it was really important to alphabetize my records and I rediscovered this gem.

Despite having this on again off again obsession with Cursed since I was like 16 I hadn't listened to this ep in a while. The title track as well as the rest of the record is fairly brooding. There is a liner note saying "the song "Hawaii" was originally written as a black magic incantation by Winnipeg band Kittens." Shit is straight evil.

If you like heavier doom influenced punk/hardcore Cursed is a must.

.

Friday, February 20, 2009

SCRATCH AND SCRAPE THIS HEAVENLY BODY



I'm more than positive that NO band will ever be this fucking cool. Seriously. Watch this.

Alex I'm looking at you. Through the interwebs. Leather cowboy outfit.

Gun O'Clock



My father turned me onto this website a while back, and I check it from time to time, mainly when I feel like I'm running out of internet, and I have nothing better to do.

But this fucking alarm clock, holy fuck.  I want it so badly I could just fucking taste it.  I think it's the weird split personality anime guy that does it for me. By day he's happy go lucky, and then..."Good Night!" The alarm goes off and all of a sudden he's a fucking psychopath hell bent on shooting his alarm clock like twelve fucking times. "It's COOL!"

...and I always wear an Oxford cloth shirt to sleep.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Kill yourself...and your family



I know the subtitles aren't in english but really all it is, "No." smash. little girl yelling "no, let me go." father saying "sorry."

Done.

I've had this recent obsession with Michael Haneke and I must say that for making such miserably depressing fucking movies he seems like a really sweet and well adjusted guy.

This is from the Seventh Continent. It was his first feature length film. It follows a family's life on a few days in three years. Eventually they destroy all their possessions and "move to Australia."

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Seth MacFarlane isn't Funny


I'm not one of those militant anti-Family Guy people.  I don't particularly find the show funny, but that's probably because the animated sitcom as we know it died with the creation of South Park, and all attempts at comedic animation after that have been held to a measuring stick a mile high, and unfortunately, there's never again going to be a show with wholesome values like The Simpsons, and popular appeal.

That didn't stop Seth MacFarlane from trying, though and he failed.

When I saw this video on YouTube today, I slapped my forehead.  Seth MacFarlane is animating 15 year old jokes, and slapping a commercial on the front, why the fuck didn't I think of that.  I was pissed, on one hand, because it's a dumb old joke.  Yes, we get it, Dylan's got a funny voice, Waits' has got a gravely one, and Popeye speaks with inaudible chuckles most of the time.  I was just about to close the window, when Muhamed Ali comes out.  That takes balls.  It takes balls for MacFarlane to make fun of the greatest boxer who ever lived for getting Parkinson's, and it takes balls down at the offices at Priceline's marketing department.  Someone down there actually approved an ad that makes fun of a man with of a debilitating brain disorder who is dying, because he has a debilitating brain disorder and is dying.

Bravo, Seth MacFarlane and Priceline.  You are cool in my book.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

yeeeerrrpppp dope out!



Clipse - Hell Hath No Fury

This isn't a music blog so normally I don't have to tell you that these music uploads are for evaluation purposes and that you should listen to said record then immediately delete it and go purchase the album. In the case of Clipse's 2006 sophomore effort, Hell Hath No Fury, I am going to tell you the opposite. DON'T buy this record. Pusha, Malice, Re Up, they don't need your money. Dudes are skiing on mountains of white gold and could give a shit less if you spend $13.99 on their devastatingly awesome record. Ready to Die, Illmatic, Hell Hath No Fury. That is basically all you need to know when it comes to rap music. This is a criminally underrated album.

Here's the deal. Go to the needle exchange on Girard ave. and get yourself some clean works. Go north towards Kensington and look for groups of young minority men standing on corners. When they see you being all white and out of place they'll yell "Yerp, dope out." Ask if they got powder. Spend that $15 you saved from not buying Hell Hath No Fury on a bag of dope and bag of blow. Get in your car. Put on Hell Hath No Fury. Mix that shit and boot it. Peace the fuck out.

Geek-out

So I'm known to geek out on drummers every now and then, and this guy has been my go-to drummer for as long as I remember paying attention to funk/jazz/fusion music.

Just fucking watch the sweat pouring off Billy Cobham.


Monday, February 16, 2009

Update?

I wanted to make a quick note about the lack of posting as of late. I know it has come to the "Kevin and Alex are fucking dorks and make posts about the most boring shit in the world that is only exciting to them and a small percentage of socially awkward young men show." The reason 3/5ths of the contributors to this blog have been a little slack in the posting department is because they blog from their place of employment and the man put his foot down a week or so ago and insisted they eat fag on their own time.

So, instead of like twenty posts a day expect a few a week.

SHIT IS GETTING HEAVY


Fight Amp - Hungry for Nothing

I have a really bad head cold and possibly upper respiratory infection so I'm just going to sit inside all day and think about how fucking heavy this record is. Fight Amp are out of south jersey and all though I don't personally know them I can say they love drugs and don't shower. As a kid I had played a couple shows with the first line up and they totally fucking sucked so I was really hesitant to listen to their recent releases through Translation Loss. Hungry for Nothing is possibly the most brutal thing to come out of the southern New Jersey area is recent memory. Its as if the The Jesus Lizard's rhythm section started a grungy hardcore band and hated themselves.

If you like heavy music this is a must.

Also, go BUY the record.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Jean-Léon Gérôme



I went to a Hookah bar last night with a bunch of people, but that's not important.  What is important is that when I started writing the article making fun of the really weird people that I saw there, I found this painting, and...well, someone should get it for me. Please?

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Little Pieces of Shit



I just wanted everyone to know that I have never hated an animal more in my life than I hate this horrid fucking beast.

Lumiere

Haven't pulled out the short films dvd is awhile but today is just one of those days when you kinda need to watch some wacky shit. Man, fuck alex's life.

Fuck My Life: The Musical!

Today, after having probably the shittiest morning in the recent history of mornings, I was turned on to a great new website.

It makes me feel much better.


Highlights:

"Today, I received a random packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML"

"Today, I was in the car with a group of my girl friends discussing sexual experiences when I looked down and realized my Blackberry had dialed the family I babysit for and had left a five minute voicemail. FML"

It's all about perspective.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Some Anti-Smoking ads from India




Outside of the fact that these are fairly clever and the "bistro" one looks really cool I don't really give a shit about not smoking. When we were teens it was, "Oh, I'll quit when I'm twenty." Now it's "Oh, I'll quit when I have kids and/or marry." Me? Fuck that, I'm taking my cough, ashy skin, and smelly clothes to the fucking grave.

Molest

So this is more proof that I am getting old and mellowing out.  It's not that I don't find this video funny, because I do.  On a conceptual level, I'd assume the marketing agency that came up with this idea got the exact reaction out of me that they wanted, but at some point there's a disconnect.  I know people who were victims of childhood abuse, and I'm pretty sure they would laugh at this, and I also know some suburban soccer moms who would flip their lids at this, while having absolutely no empathic experience.

But the disconnect lies in the fact that I think someone who's sick enough to possibly molest a child would find this hilarious.  I mean, just like stupid babies and idiot little kids who believe in Santa Claus and The Toothfairy, even though all logical signs point to the contrary.  A child molester, who, by the way, would be typically outclassed by stupid babies and idiot little kids, doesn't need an excuse for their behavior.

Especially one as fucking hilarious as this.

Mr.Chapin


I'm in the process of writing a horror short with a murder scene set to Harry Chapin's "Dance Band On The Titantic". I bet know even knows what that means. Harry Chapin is a folk singer who's songs told wonderful stories and probably never for one second would ever be thought of as good use in a horrific murder scene. His life was cut short when he had a heart attack while driving his gremlin on a highway. The heart attack wasn't what killed him though, it merely caused him to hit the brakes on his car which left no time for the tractor trailer behind to stop from barreling into him and then transforming his car into a flaming inferno. Oh. and on top of all of that, he was driving on a revoked license. Yes.

Vincent Gallo Killing Glassjaw - Oldie..But Goodie

The murders are of course at the end of the video. I really enjoy the drummer trying to escape and getting shot in the back mid stride.

Where's Your Fuckin' Decency

I have said it once. And I'll say it again. I'm not gay, but i'd totally let Paul Thomas Anderson fill my mouth up.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Funny Games (U.S.)





Last night I think I lost my shit. I watched the original 1997 Funny Games followed by the 2008 U.S. remake then Cache (Hidden). I'm really starting to think I may be completely in love with Michael Haneke. If you're into fairly slow moving films with heavy themes of guilt, fidelity, sexuality, violence, consumerism, etc., then I highly recommend the films of Michael Haneke. Mother fucker can shoot a movie.


Also, Michael Haneke never seems to use music in his films unless it is actually happening in the event. There are like two scenes in Funny Games, the one above with this ridiculous John Zorn song (whats up drewwwww) and the opening of the movie as the family drives to their vacation home and try to guess which cd is put on.

Starting points:
- The Piano Teacher
- Cache (hidden)
- Funny Games (U.S. or original. Both are literally the same. I kinda prefer the German version as I'm not familiar with the actors and I'm not sitting there thinking, "Oh god, Naomi Watts is so fucking hot when she's half naked and crying.")

i am the king

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Kids with Guns


As I get older, and my conscience develops a bit more, I find stuff like this less funny, and more concerning.

I'm not saying it's not funny to see a kid doped up on pain killers and probably general or local anaesthesia, because that is hilarious.  This kid is bonked out of his mind, and saying really funny things. ("Is this real life?", Yes David, and it's going to continue to suck until you find more of the weird gas that the doctor let you smell...)  As I get older, what bothers me more is the periphery. Why doesn't his dad seem to be concerned? Why's he goading him on? Why's a six or seven year old getting oral surgery?

Here's a little test to see if you're getting old, like me.

1. You just watched Knocked Up, starring Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl, produced by Judd Appatow. Which of these most closely resembles your current state:
  • A: That was fucking hilarious, and we're out of pot.
  • B: Oh my god, my sides hurt, that Jonah Hill is going to be the next Sam Kinnison/Chris Farley
  • C: That was cute, I bet Seth Rogen would make a great dad.
2. Your room mates are going out to the bar, because it's someone's birthday, unfortunately it's a work night, and you've got a long day ahead of you.  You say, 
  • A: "Let's get going, I've got some getting fucked up to do."
  • B: "If you buy the first round, I'll come, but only for a while"
  • C: "Goodnight, kids."
3. The dishes are piling up, the fridge is leaking some kind of vile liquid, the bathroom hasn't been cleaned, in earnest, since August, you've got at least four loads of laundry to do, you can't find your garbage can under the pile of trash next to your desk and you've got an afternoon off you...
  • A: Watch all three Back to the Future movies and then probably Ghost Busters 1 & 2
  • B: Watch all three Jurasic Park movies while getting less then half of your chores done, and still feel accomplished
  • C: Begrudgingly do all of your work, and then snap on the next person you see.
4. You just woke up on a work day.  It's 6:50, you've got to be out of the house by 7:50. You:
  • A: Surf porn on the internet, watch a YouTube video, leave at 7:49 and still get to work 15 minutes late.
  • B: Check your email, brush your teeth and leave with almost enough time to stop and get a fast food breakfast on the way to work. You're still five minutes late.
  • C: Take a shower, brush your teeth, eat a bowl of cereal, take a mulit-vitamin, and surf internet porn.
5. You have $40.00 in your wallet, you're starving. You...
  • A: Get Chinese take out - $10. Four nights in a row.
  • B: Get a pizza delivered - $20. Feed yourself for dinner, and breakfast and lunch the next day.
  • C: Go to the grocery store, spend $38 dollars on groceries, feed yourself for a week, even though that means eating boring microwave soup for dinner four nights in a row
An A answer is 1 point, a B answer is 3 points, a C is 5 points.

  • 1-8 Points: Did you graduate high school? Or were they just sick of looking at you.  Now would not be a good time to start a family or try to get a job, I mean, unless you like being laughed at a failing.
  • 9-17 Points: Your parents are so proud of you, unfortunately everyone else couldn't give a shit.
  • 18-25 Points: Your life is over, you suck, and you're boring.  Start buying stock in Centrum Silver, old man/woman.
So yeah, life, in general, no matter how youthfully carefree or mature and actualized, is kind of a bum deal.

Friday, February 6, 2009

No Jokes, No Puns, Coke is EVIL!



Translation: "Enemy of the Mind"

Apparently, Russia hates Coca-Cola so much, that someone has taken it upon themselves to release an Anti-Coke propaganda 12 month calendar.  (via English Russia)

Now, I consider myself to have a pretty good mind for politics, and to that end, I think I've got a good perspective on the business world, and it's intricate and subtle idiosyncrasies.  My limited knowledge of Russia and it's systems notwithstanding, I'd assume it's a bit harder to get something published in Russia than it is here; I'd assume there's a level of government scrutiny involved.

Basically, what I'm getting at is such; how many people in a chain of artists, editors, managers, and political watch men can you find who see absolutely nothing wrong with this:


Translation: "Obey!"

But I mean, beyond all the strangeness involved, the art work is pretty fantastic, but then again, I'm a sucker for illustration.

Update: I just contacted my source for all things  Russian. Apparently, everyone in Russia drinks Coke.  Strange.  I hope I'm not uprooting some serious political scandal meant to usher Western values and products out of Russia, starting with soft drinks.  If I disappear, I'll be sure to send post cards from the Gulag.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Lux Interior is in heaven.

And in heaven, he will be able to do bodily harm to as many pretty young women as he can handle.



That's a damn shame.

Lux Interior Oct. 21, 1946 - Feb. 4, 2009. RIP.

To quote kevin, "FUCK MY LIFE."

Cute Things Falling Asleep

I can't stop staring at baby animals falling asleep.

I feel like if this carries on, I might just fucking puke up a bunny rabbit wearing a bow tie...and it will play checkers...with a cartoon squirell.

I'm getting a fucking Chinchilla, just so I can watch it sleep.


Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Alison Brady





Came across Alison Brady's photography today and was mightily impressed. She currently has a solo show at Massimo Audiello until Feb. 28th. Would anyone like to go with me?

Monday, February 2, 2009

Dance Floor Dale



Dance Floor Dale directed by Tim Wareheim of the Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!

Found this over at Film Drunk briefly before my mind caved the fuck in.

Songs About Fucking


Big Black - Songs About Fucking

You should probably download this.


Steve Albini makes my dick hard.

2012

http://www.instituteforhumancontinuity.org

This website rules. It's obvious that it's for a movie or a TV show but it still seemed pretty air tight. The only indication that a movie is involved is the privacy policy link leads you to sony pictures website.

Float around the site, it's pretty creepy.

I made this video.  At work. On the clock.  I've never made a video before.

I love you all.


This video brings up a few good topics for discussion. For one, who but himself declared Will I Am the voice of our generation? I'm not just trying to be polite when I say that I do, on some level, like and respect Will I Am. He seems like a pretty decent guy trying his hardest to spark some sort of generational unification. While I can't say I like the Black Eyed Peas at all, nor do I like the countless, overbearingly sentimental, and obvious attempts at creating rallying cry songs (not "Let's Get Retarded") like the sixty plus songs he wrote for every stage of Barack Obama's road to presidency, I think his heart is in the right place. I do, however, think it's a stretch to compare him to Dylan.
I'm not one of those sore assholes who constantly compares and criticizes my generation for not being the baby-boomers. Frankly, I'm sick of the comparison and sick of the watered down and incredibly safe versions of trends from decades past seeping into current pop culture. But, it's just that Bob Dylan really is beyond comparison.
And why is the Dylan comparison so coveted anyway? He wrote a few really cool protest songs, then two or three great rock albums (Highway 61 Revisited is, in my opinion, the best American rock album ever made), but beyond that, he's made a more bad records then good ones and he's notoriously an asshole. Not that there's anything wrong with that, that's what's so cool about him, but at the same time I'm not sure why our generation needs a Dylan. And if our generation had a Dylan what would he say?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't understand why the baby-boomers are so self-aggrandizing. Especially considering that they are the first American generation to leave the country in worse shape than before. And I'm also not sure why our generation welcomes, identifies, and perpetuates the comparison.

Just like it was yesterday...

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Ryan Gosling Is Fucking Crazy.

Ryan Gosling has started a Band. They're called Dead Man Bones. It doesn't sound like him. It's fucking awesome.

PSA From Benjammin' Affleck